Loved
In the days leading up to my marriage, it seemed I was born upon a wave. Of what, I knew not. I could feel something happening inside of me and between the two of us. As if we were being drawn closer. I felt softer and stronger at the same time. His impact on my energy, mood, and mindset is entirely unique in my lived experience. As our wedding approached, my confidence in him and the choice I made to join my life with his grew. I think my favorite memories of this time will be the way he took care of me. He secured a braider for my hair. He secured the artists for my henna. He escorted me to his family for my red henna application. He found the fabric and chose the tailor for both dresses and was present for fittings. He commissioned the most beautiful feather fan I have ever beheld to be used in place of a bouquet. Every single conversation we had in the planning stage, was exactly as he said it would be when it was time to execute. His word was sure in every matter.
I had arrived in Ghana alone, with a bit of trepidation at the notion I would lack the crowd of family and friends I have spent a lifetime imagining would be present on whatever day I wed. When I got the news that Covid exposure had eliminated the one remaining person with plans to travel from the States, he held me while I cried. I dislike crying. It gives me a headache and leaves me feeling super exposed emotionally, it is usually something I do in private. When he was rocking me, I did not feel any of the frustration at myself I usually have when crying in front of another person. I felt cocooned and comforted.
The night before we married, in the village of Banda where his grandfather lives, two rams were sacrificed, and Allah's blessings entreated for the union between Abubakar Abdallah and Nature Sargent. The meat was portioned out to the elderly and other villagers. In Accra, we slept restlessly, nervous about missing our very early wake up call. Dressing for my wedding with my soon to be husband was an unexpectedly calming experience. Over the next hours, in one State and two religious ceremonies, we were wed.
The sky was faultless, entirely blue. The sun was bright and merry, a reflection of how I felt. There was a frequent, refreshing breeze that toyed with the palm fronds and our formal attire.
Our first stop was the Registrar General’s, where we were legally wed by a State official. It was here that I was given a bouquet with three flowers. They were blue and white, which in no way matched our look. Still, I held them, as blue was my father’s favorite color. It seemed that despite his transition to spirit in June, he wanted me to know of his love and support. Our four witnesses signed the marriage certificate, and the registrar offered his congratulations at the end of the ceremony. He addressed me as Mrs. Abdallah. After a short photo shoot with my new father-in-law and our witnesses, it was off to the Muslim ceremony.
Upon arrival in Nima, I remained in the car, awaiting my escort. Aisha, my new cousin, joined me and placed the veil over my head. She held my hand as we made our way. I almost jumped out of my skin when the drummers began pounding out their message. I danced en route to the masjid while trying to keep my brand-new slides from slipping off my feet, money rained down, a boon for the drummers. People from the community watched, children followed us, a few all the way to the mosque.
When I got to the masjid and was seated, the ceremony began. Mr. Tarheel stood as my male relative, Covid having kept my family from traveling. I was given in marriage to Abu and we were instructed in Arabic to care for and love one another. There was an interpreter there so I could understand what promises I was making. The exhortation to the high ideals of marriage was followed by sharing sweets. Abu and I broke a bag of dried dates and mixed them in with individually wrapped toffees, they were shared around the masjid. It was at this time the singing started.
If you have ever been in a country church cooled by ceiling fans and open windows with only percussive instruments, you may be able to imagine the stirring beauty of the music. It sounded familiar. The rhythm, the melody, it was if I should know the words, that if I opened my mouth, I would be able to sing along. I felt it, in my spirit. That was unexpected. I had not imagined I would feel so at home.
After the ceremony, Abu and I danced back the way we came, with more money rained down on us. This time, we worked up a sweat trying to keep up with the beat of the drummers. He finally told them his wife was tired and we had to go! I chuckled, but didn’t disagree, I did not want to sweat too much. We still had another ceremony.
At the Ibis Styles pool side, we had a Christian ceremony and Rev. Maxwell (childhood friend of the groom) married us in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. He did not tell Abu to kiss the bride. He made clear in the rehearsal he would not be doing it, but we could kiss if we wanted to. We wanted to and we did, after the ceremony, to start the reception. DJ Stylish, was there with a very energetic MC. Abu arranged it as a surprise. I was thrilled. A live DJ brings such great energy. The energy generated must have been truly welcoming because we had fifteen wedding crashers. I have to say, I never imagined such would happen. What should have been 8 socially distanced tables each with five people from the same household turned into a whole party!
My new daughter was adorable in her white. Abu and I danced and had the floor to ourselves at the beginning of the party. We posed endlessly for pictures. My gele did not fall off my head! The buffet was beautiful, but we ate very little. That makes me so sad because the food looked amazing. We laughed together at how most of our guests were drinking the palm wine, instead of the watermelon or pineapple ginger juice. It was my understanding our guests were not drinkers. He must have just meant his parents because his cousins and friends were sipping! At the end, I was surrounded by and dancing with my new family.
The day we married was much like our first date. Dreamy. I could hardly believe my joy. I tried mightily to be fully in the moment, while making sure the Zoom guests were able to see and hear everything. I feel so much gratitude to my family and friends in the UAE, South Africa, Ireland, UK, and the very early risers in the US who joined us on Zoom. While circumstances kept us physically apart, we felt their love, support, and genuine happiness for our new journey.
Author: Nature Sargent